Has anyone seen the new Corona commercial starring Kenny Chesney? Well it’s out there and it’s got my underpants in an uncomfortable bunch. I’ve spent quite a few sunny days drinking Corona, my “vacation beer” of choice, and always regarded it as a real treat for those outdoor drinking days.
That was until I saw Corona’s new commercial featuring huge nerd Kenny Chesney. The commercial didn’t even run all the way through until I rose from the couch and proclaimed, “I’m swearing off Corona…FOR LIFE!” You think I’m joking. This actually happened. And I meant it. I will never drink another Corona for as long as I live. I simply can’t support a product that sponsors Kenny Chesney, quite possibly the biggest juicebag in music. Why don’t I like Kenny Chesney? Let me count the ways…
- Chesney rarely writes his own songs – one of my biggest pet peeves. He didn’t write any of the songs on his latest album. He has had a whopping 14 number one singles, but 13 of those songs were written by someone else. He only wrote one of his number one singles outright, and received partial writing credit on two more.
- Chesney refuses to wear sleeves – another pet peeve. Nothing screams “d-bag” louder than a walk-in closet filled with sleeveless shirts.
- Followup to #2…according to cbsnews.com, Chesney is “barely 5’6” tall, weighs just 143 pounds and is balding to boot.” Where I come from, you don’t wear sleeveless shirts if 90% of the human race can beat you up.
- He married upper-crust ugly, crazy-eyed Renee Zellweger, who divorced him 4 months later. That’s what I call “rock bottom.” For someone that likes to sing about suntans so much, it’s ironic that he picked the pastiest woman in Hollywood.
- Mainstream country music makes my ears bleed.
Anyway, I’m happy to migrate to Dos Equis, the beer of The Most Interesting Man in the World and cool guys everywhere. I heard The Most Interesting Man in the World puts his shirt on just like the rest of us – one sleeve at a time (excluding Kenny Chesney). Except, once his shirt is on, he makes gold records.
Here are Chesney’s #1’s, and whether or not he had anything to do with them other than showing up to the studio one day without any sleeves:
She’s Got It All – NO
When I Close My Eyes – NO
That’s Why I’m Here – NO
How Forever Feels – PARTIAL CREDIT
You Had Me From Hello – PARTIAL CREDIT
The Good Stuff – NO
There Goes My Life – NO
When The Sun Goes Down – NO
Living in Fast Forward – NO
Summertime – NO
Beer in Mexico – YES!!!!!
Never Wanted Nothing More – NO
Shiftwork – NO
Better as a Memory – NO
The Most Interesting Man In The World
The Most Interesting Man In The World on Packages
{ 18 comments… read them below or add one }
I saw Brad Paisley pitching Hershey bars the other day. You might want to consider boycotting those also.
Dear HearYa,
Might I suggest Tecate as your new Mexican go-to cervesa? It’s cheap and has the blue-collar aluminum panache of PBR. Just pour from can into a glass, run your lime around the rim, and voila, you’re loving life and you’re Chesne-free! And those smashable, recyclable cans won’t fill up your garage or boat or campsite like bottles do. Enjoy.
Such a great point. Tecate is so overlooked. Cans are also much safer to smash on your forehead after a shotgun. I also like to place one carefully between my bicep and forearm and then flex to crush.
My god does Kenny Chesney suck…..
He recently stated that his new album, Just Who I Am: Poets and Pirates, was an album about real life experiences and “his most personal yet”. This is obviously a lie since while on other albums he did write at least 1/2 of a song, on his latest he did not write one single song.
Also, its hard for me to think of a worse album title than “Just who I am: Poets and Pirates”. I’m sure they exist, I just can’t think of any.
Oz,
Brad Paisley has a few more songs written by him.
Good point BP Fan. I didn’t research his song credits. I was just pointing another mainstream country act titled to a product (since drinking buddy said that mainstream country makes his ears bleed).
Cool. I began boycotting Corona year ago because it’s crappy beer. But this is certainly more fuel to the fire.
Incidentally, I have boycotted two other beers in the past becauese their ads offended me. Coors (and Coors Light) continues to come up with ads about how it’s great to be an idiot guy, going so far as to put Kid Rock in their commercials. Also, the Coors family is full of reactionaries.
Lamest post ever. Someone call a WWAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMBULANCE
Lamest term ever - Wwaaaaaammmbulance
Any boycott that directly supports The Most Interesting Man in the World has my full support.
Great post - Kenny Chesney is the worst. Modelo will now be my vacation beer of choice.
I was laughing my ass off when reading this. I could not agree more. Drinking Buddy always has me rolling. I’ll join in on the boycott, too.
Kenny Chesney is a scourge on country music. Corona’s aren’t looking so good to me now, even with a lime.
Right On Brother!!!!
That was an awesome observation. My girlfriend works at a restaurant downtown Detroit and she came hoe tonight telling me about how the shuttle from the restaurant (which usually takes patrons to sporting events) was running all night to the Kenny Chesney consert. She barely got this out of her mouth, when I interrupted with “I HATE KENNY CHESNEY” and proceeded to give your top 3 reasons why. Wow did that ever feel good. By the way, she fell of the couch laughing, when I said it.
Thanks for the awesome insight.
Jarvy
Jarvys Cafe….
I dont think I believe my eyes. While reading this blog I thought to myself
Ah… God bless the internet. It is becoming more like TV everyday in that it makes everything and everyone credible. Which it turns makes nothing credible ( Man of the Year). The internet seems to give every idiot in America a podium to voice their opinions and beliefs and whine about what seems to be bothering them. I hate to tell you but the rest of America just doesn’t care about your gripes. I’m sorry that you can’t stand people who are successful just because some A&R guy for a record company won’t give you the time of day. Maybe that should tell you to move on and maybe find a real job as music just never will pan out for you…
It’s not that he’s successful, it’s that he’s manufactured and doesn’t write any of his own material. Call me a purist, but I think songwriting is a key part of musicianship. Otherwise it’s called karaoke.
Judging by your logic, A&R reps might just give me the time of day since I can’t play an instrument or write songs. Cut off my shirt sleeves and take some singing lessons and I might just have a shot at stardom.
Mike - thanks for caring enough to write a thorough comment about how you don’t care. I also enjoyed the part where you actually used the internet to voice your opinion about how the internet gives ‘every idiot in America’ a place to voice their opinion.
On the bright side, by writing that comment you officially did more writing than Kenny Chesney did on his last album…
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