I finally played “Guitar Hero III, Legends of Rock” a couple weeks ago for the first time. I’d heard all the buzz about it, and was really excited to play. I’m not ashamed to say it did not disappoint. I mean seriously, is there a better game to sit around with your buddies and drink beer? Outside of Baseball Stars on the old Nintendo or NHL Hockey ’94, I don’t think so.

But men in their 20’s and 30’s get a little too excited/cocky/pleased with themselves for being good at this game. Many don’t realize that there’s not enough correlation between Guitar Hero and playing an actual guitar. Why don’t they realize this? They’re too busy saying things to their friends like, “I could have been a sweet guitarist if I would have picked it up earlier in life” and “Do you want me to yell up to my mom and have her make you a grilled cheese sandwich too?”

Please, don’t be that guy. Of close relation to the “Guitar Hero guy” are the following “that guys.” The common thread - all are kidding themselves:

1. The guy that thinks he’s one clever line and a 30% tip away from taking home your table’s waitress at Hooters (or The Gin Mill in Chicago).
2. The married guy that tells you, if he were single, he’d be crushing more ass than Abdul at a Thursday night mixer in Old School.
3. The guy that tells you he tried to learn to play the guitar once, but his hands were just too small. If I had a nickel for every time I’ve heard that one…
4. The girl that sets you up on a blind date with her friend that’s “cute and really cool.” I assure you she is neither. Girls that seem cool to other girls are ALWAYS very plain looking and oftentimes have dude-like qualities.
5. The guy that claims he “drank himself sober” the other night.
6. The guy that pouts, “You guys get all the easy ones” after reading every Trivial Pursuit question.
7. Roger Clemens.
8. The guy that spread the rumor in high school that Zack Morris (played perfectly by the suave Mark-Paul Gosselaar) died in a car accident.
9. The guy that says, “I’m not homophobic. I have a lot of gay friends.”
10. The guy that claims he almost hooked up with Jessica Biel at a nightclub in Greece when he was studying abroad in college.
11. The guy that claims he never listened to nor liked John Mayer.
12. The guy that claims he started listening to The National before you did.

This guy is really sweet at Guitar Hero..