I had been looking forward to the recent Record Low/Cracklin Moth show for weeks, but didn’t end up making it. Everything was coming together, two of my buddies both had confirmed that they were in, and my college buddy PRick Lachey even talked about coming up from Columbus. But then the wheels fell off. I thought about going alone, but ultimately ruled it out in favor of laying on my couch with some Bud Light cans while catching up on DVR’d episodes of The Hills and Real World.
Many people scoff at those that go to the rock show alone, but I personally don’t mind it. That said, there are many people at the rock show that I don’t like. If you are going to the rock show, either solo or with a group, make sure you aren’t one of these guys.
The Sidler
Everyone knows this son of a buck. He arrives late, perpetrates on the spot you’ve chosen to watch the show, and gets close enough to you so that his uncomfortable male touching forces you to move a few inches. The cycle repeats itself for several hours, and next thing you know you’re a good 40-60 feet from where you started. I want to burn this guy’s face with a searing hot pan. The pan I’m thinking of would also have ridges in it.
Old Guy Who Thinks It’s Still Cool to Wear a Flannel Unbuttoned with a Miller Lite Shirt Underneath
Actually, I love this guy. He always makes me laugh because he hasn’t quite realized that fashion has changed since his sophomore year in college. He usually also has Ray-Bans from 15 years ago and when you poke fun at them he replies with, “What? These are RAY-BANS!” Ooooooh, really?
Guy Who Pees Directly on the Bar or In a Cup
I actually love this guy. See here and here for more info.
The Guy Who Shows Up Early and Gets the Front Row Seat
I’ve only been in the front row at a General Admission show once in my life, and it was purely by accident. About 10 years ago, I attended the Hurricane Festival in Hamburg, Germany. I downed an entire bottle of wine about 15 minutes before entering the show. Next thing I knew Boyd Tinsley was stroking his violin like it was nobody’s business right in front of me. The Germans were too busy looking for David Hasselhoff to notice that the Dave Matthews Band was playing to a crowd of 200 people in a tent. My point? Not sure. Just wanted to work The Hoff in.
The Extremely Drunk Loud Guy
This guy kills me. He’s usually in stone-washed tapered jeans from the late 80′s, extremely sunburned from being outside somewhere all day before the show, and he smells like spoiled licorice.
More to come in the next installment.
