After reading Oz’s article on the demise of the Compact Disc, it evoked memories of the almighty Cassette Tape and made me wonder if anyone was still purchasing them. After doing a quick search on Google, I found some really weird stuff (Like this http://www.sweetthunder.org/tapes/index.html).
But most interesting were the cassette tape sales statistics. I couldn’t find any US stats, but I did find that cassette sales in the UK decreased from 83 million in 1989 to around 900,000 in 2004. That’s a 98.9% decrease over 15 years. But even more shocking is the fact that 88 million cassettes are still sold in Turkey annually. The streets of Istanbul are echoing with the sweet sounds of Steve Miller Band as we speak. Do you think if you showed someone in Turkey what an iPod was they would erect a large statue in your likeness immediately or wait a few days? And 80 million cassettes are sold per year in India. I wonder if they’ve discovered fire over there yet.
I had some INCREDIBLE mix tapes back in the day. One of my favorites was one that my girlfriend made for me with hearts drawn all over the label. It had a bunch of Big Head Todd, Billy Pilgrim, and other bands I had never heard of before, and was probably my first introduction to real music. I also had a great Pearl Jam bootleg with covers of “The Kids are Alright”, “Baba O’Reilly”, and rarities like “Sonic Reducer”.
But my favorite mix tape of all time was a homemade one I created. It was a glorious mix tape of my very own farts, beaners, cut muffins, beefs, and stinkers. Believe me – I’m as shocked as you that I did this.
I was blessed enough to find an old tape recorder when I was about 14. For whatever reason, I thought it would be a great idea to start tape recording my farts (I clearly had a lot of spare time) and would play the tape for my buddies, much to their delight. I recorded dozens, maybe hundreds, of farts over a several week period. My buddies soon joined in on the fun, until eventually we had a recording of several consecutive minutes of nothing but a cornucopia of farts. It was quite a hobby – we’d be hanging out watching TV, playing video games – whatever – when suddenly one of us would feel one coming on, scurry over to the tape recorder, cozy up to the microphone, and kabbam. The variety of farts we captured on tape was spellbinding. Everything from SBD’s to ones that sounded like a stinky French Horn cupped around your ear. It was a veritable fart bonanza.
That tape was my creative pinnacle. I’ve never poured my heart and soul into anything like that before or since. Sadly, I can’t locate the tape, but if I do it’s going straight to every major record label I can find, because it’s more entertaining than 99% of the garbage out there right now.
I’m guessing everyone is going to be too horrified by this post to even respond.
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Apparently you never got laid in your teen years. That being said, I will certainly buy a copy when you find it.
Recording your farts is much safer than lighting them.
Admitting the flatulent fetish of your youth reflects tremendous personal growth. I say bravo . . . btw, who were these “friends” of yours? Are you sure you didn’t do this at band camp?
I had some bad influences growing up, Mofongo. I blame most of it on my older brother’s friend, Mark. He used to take dumps in the basin of the drinking fountain at my high school for fun. He also routinely peed off the high dive at the pool, and once snapped a deuce in the press box trash can before a varsity soccer game on a really hot day. The stench was so malodorous the PA announcer had to come out for air every couple seconds. He was basically Johnny Knoxville’s contemporary, and he may have been the greatest creative mind of our generation.
OH
Yeah, my buddy Mark has a PhD in crude humor, majoring in crap tricks. The press box steamer was probably the highlight of his career, but here are a couple other notable dookies:
*Dropping a load in a plastic bag in the trainer’s office of our HS, then getting the brilliant idea to hurl it down onto the gymnasium floor from above, while a group of underclassmen were taking PE. The reaction of the group when they realized what happened was unforgettable – mostly a lot of gagging.
*Standing on the hood of his ex-girlfriend’s car in 20 degree weather, dropping trou, and taking a dump on her windshield. That thing was steaming like Tiki Barber’s head on a sideline of January game at the Meadowlands.
*Then, of course, there were many, many dumps in paper bags, left on some poor guy’s front porch, lit on fire while ringing the door bell, and running away. Keep in mind this was year’s before Billy Madison came out, which made this move commonplace for twisted teens.
this is most excellent. it reminds of this vhs tape i have (i know no one has those anymore except the turkish and indians) called “heaven scent.” it is a three minute clip of a televangelist praising jesus with his pompadour and cheap suit. in between praises he pauses and makes the most maniacal face you’ve ever seen. at that point–which happens every 3 seconds or less–someone dubbed in different fart noises that perfectly mimic the preachers countenance and gestures. it’s outstanding. someone with a strong background of audio engineering put it together…had to be a professional. i gotta get it digitized.
here it is:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ErBaRajz-dU
Speaking of poop gags, I remember a guy that visited someone in my dorm. We took him to a random party where we knew no one. One of the party hosts pissed off this guy, so he went into one of the bathrooms and pooped in the sink. Apparently that was his signature move.
Kind of like the “top shelf”, when you lift the top off the back of the toilet and drop one in so poo-water comes out with every flush.
Real classy string of comments here.
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